He never needed drugs, everything he loved destroyed him. Now loneliness was his only dependable friend, there morning, noon, and night. Cigarettes ran out, whiskey ran dry, but always the empty yawning persisted. Nothing ever touched it, not the occasional affairs he had with women he met at the club and never the social media that was his constant poisoning. He had ignored the real world in search of a fantasy and this is where it had landed him, an empty shell of a person who he could barely recognize as himself. Everyone close to him had warned him about her but she had blinded him. Not with love as he had initially thought it to be. No, this was something far much worse, darker. An infatuation he couldn’t shake off himself a couple of years later.
The results? He had lost himself in a quest of ecstasy… It was too late when he realized things had gone out of his hands when it dawned on him that things weren’t as he had hoped they would be. When she had first brought up the subject of an open marriage, he was thrilled. Not by the subject itself but the fire in her eyes when she talked about it. She was wild, unpredictable, beautiful, and dangerous. Impossible to resist. A summer storm in a bikini. She always glowed when she talked about something she was passionate about. That was what drew him to her even on their first date. She had a fire in her that always illuminated her face and he had come to worship it. Now that fire was gone, forever a memory on the part of his brain that never moved on.
If only he had asked her to think twice about it. Sleep on it may be for a while before agreeing to invite a stranger into their lives. Now she was dead and there was no going back from that. She wasn’t here to nurture the consequences of their ill decisions and now he was paying for it. Forever changed by the pain he experienced.
As hard as it was to try and not hold his breath, he knew deep down he had to hold reason to. Along with work, study, attempting to keep any sort of social life, the occasional romantic spark still being lit, and his family dramas; it was safe to say he felt as if his life was drowning. As if trying to keep his head above water when the tide was still only shallow was a real burden not only on himself but everyone else. Swallowing hard, he clutched furiously at his chest, hoping that by a scratch or simple graze, his heart would stop racing, and his body just might entirely shut down – causing him clarity in death.
The memory of their last day together lingered on his mind as he sat on his therapist’s couch. It had been a Thursday. Like any other day, he awoke to soft sheets, and the morning light trickled in through the blinds. Shedding himself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, his eyes were still shut as he soaked in the warmth of his covers before letting his eyes see the sun’s rays. she had woken up before him and the smell of the morning coffee told him that she was already in the kitchen. Such a beautiful start to a tragic end. Over and over the memory of her lifeless body lying on the couch played on his mind. He had cried for hours holding her, calling her to wake-up but she never did, she was gone and for good. The nightmare had just begun.
To be continued…
Click here to read the first episode of this story.
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